This is actually a really difficult question to answer. Only you can know. We plan to later add a bunch of info here about how other people realize they’re trans, and links to stories about people’s experiences, which may help. For now, this section is more or less empty.
Someone did make this site, which might be useful to you: (it’s not a questionnaire): http://amitransgender.com (archive)
Here is a map of gender-diverse cultures.
No, really. You are trans enough to be trans!
NOTE: If you find questionnaires online, please remember that they are all BULLSHIT. OK?
IT’S OK TO BE TRANS!
You could be non-binary. We have information about this scattered throughout the website.
Intersex people can also be trans. Remember, being trans simply means that you disagree with or do not fully agree with your assigned birth gender.
There are some books on the topic, which may help you. Note that some of them only cover particular types of trans people, e.g. only trans women.
This is a very good book, and is often used in Gender Studies courses at universities these days.
Another good book.
You can probably find these books on Amazon or something, or at your local library maybe. Or... on some other place on the internet, perhaps. E.g. eBook.
An article on the web, which may be useful for those who are still questioning:
You might be asking questions like.…
In short, you are a victim of an extreme form of propaganda and brainwashing that enforces belief in what we call the gender binary. This is the idea that there are only 2 genders (male and female) and that there is no variation between them or that people can’t switch between them. You probably weren’t taught about transgender issues in school at all, and nobody in your family or social group told you about it. You may have simply stumbled on it by accident and realized that it answered all of your questions; before now, you knew you were different but you didn’t know why.
You were born, and you were told you were <insert gender>. You were then given toys, friends and a social upbringing in that gender that the doctor chose for you.
The doctor decided your gender based on your genitalia. This is a common - and wrong - practise.
Society taught you that only men and women exist. It probably didn’t teach you about the existence of non-binary people (if you came out to yourself as non-binary, for instance).
You were taught to live as a man, or to live as a woman.
You felt weird. You felt different. You were unhappy, and you didn’t know why. It may have been mild enough that you were able to ignore it.
You may have been aware at a younger age, but your brain suppressed it. When the brain detects danger, it shuts itself down to protect you from harm. Your gender was incompatible with your body, and you suppressed it.
You were repressed. You never learned about gender dysphoria (or gender euphoria) at school. Your school probably only taught you that men are men, women are women and that they make babies.
A world was pulled over your eyes, which you did not belong in, but you were able to cope.
This article explains the problem in a lot more detail - from birth, you were forced (yes, forced) to fit into a certain binary gender, probably based on your genitalia. If you were unlucky, the doctor might have seen that you were intersex with ambiguous genitalia and they might have decided to perform surgery on you to “fix” you (in other words, mutilate you).
Contrary to what you might have otherwise heard, most trans people actually don’t realize they’re trans until they’re in their 20s, 30s or 40s or older. Some people realize when they’re in their 70s.
A few realize in teens. Some repress it, and others don’t and then try to cope.
Most people don’t realize that they’re trans before teenage years.
There are all kinds of triggers that lead to a person realizing that they’re trans.
This can result in extreme euphoria, for some individuals, because for the first time in their life they finally understand their feelings and finally feel at peace knowing who they are.
And then the adventure begins...
Some people in the community will wrongly tell you that getting aroused about your appearance means you’re not trans. This is false.
Gatekeepers sometimes use autogynephilia (loving of oneself as a woman) or autoandrophilia (love of oneself as a man) as an excuse to try and convince a trans person that they are not trans. Gatekeeping is transphobic by nature. (we are not currently aware of a term for non-binary people, so for now we’ll use the term autophillia. the term skoliosexual also refers to attraction to non-binary people, so the term autoskoliosexual could be used).
Being sexually attracted to yourself as a particular gender does not invalidate your existence as that gender. It’s a common theme in sexuality, and it has zero relevance to your gender identity and/or expression. Just as there are some people who are not sexually attracted to anyone, not even themselves.
Any sexual fetishes that you have are also fine. It’s common for people to have sexual fetishes. There are a great many of them out there, and an entire internet dedicated to them ;)
None of this has anything to do with your gender identity and/or expression. All it means is that you have a fetish, and/or you are attracted to yourself, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that at all. The reality is that lots of people are just like you, but lots of people repress it because we don’t yet live in an open-minded society that accepts diversity.
There is something wrong with anyone who says anything different than the above, but there’s nothing wrong with you at all.
Actually, trans people can be heterosexual, gay or bi. It’s totally fine!
A lot of trans people when they are young start becoming unruly at school, misbehaving a lot and throwing tantrums, etc.
A lot of trans people actually are autistic. A trans person can be autistic, just like a cis person. It isn’t really anything special.
It’s possible to be autistic and still be trans.
On the other hand, difficulty interacting with people and social anxiety and discomfort in public, shutting down etc, can be caused by dysphoria too.
Many parents try to convince their child that they are just autistic and not trans, after their children come out. Parents: please don’t. You might screw your kid up. Let them explore their identity, OK?
Actually, this is OK. Not all trans people suffer gender dysphoria. Some people only have gender euphoria
We have a page documenting this.
Trans people can have mental health conditions, just like cis people. Cis people do not have a monopoly on mental health conditions!
People with schizophrenia are often accused of being delusional or possibly confused when they come out as trans. This is disgusting. Schizophrenia has nothing to do with gender identity, nor does any other mental health issue, and being transgender is not a mental health condition!
And the classic question...
Cis people don’t realize they’re trans, because they’re not trans. If you’re worried that you might not be trans, then to be honest you probably are, but it’s always good to question yourself and be sure. There is no rush to do anything, unless you want to or need to.
If you find yourself questioning your gender and feel like the one the doctors assigned you is false, then you probably are.
Only you can know whether you’re trans.
If you later find out that you’re not trans, then it doesn’t matter! Transition is mostly reversible, despite what many people say.
You might come out to yourself as binary trans (trans man or trans woman), and if you later discover that you’re not trans, it could be alternatively that you are non-binary. It’s actually very common for people to come out as trans man/woman, but then later realize that they’re non-binary. This is OK!
It’s OK to explore yourself, really! You don’t have to be trans! You don’t have to be cis either! Just keep an open mind, and keep exploring your identity, your life and your place in the world. You will surely find the answers, but you have to dig deep into yourself.
Part of coming out to yourself as trans is (in many cases) undoing a lot of psychological trauma suffered over the years, and undoing a lot of repression. You will likely be tripping over yourself, for many months or years.
It can be scary to come out to oneself. For the first time in your life, you’re being honest with yourself and truly exploring yourself. The best thing to do is to try to be calm. You’ll be surprised what you find, when you really look inwards on yourself.
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